Everyone loves a good joke. Whether they’re longer jokes or short ones, they can be fun for all ages. Here is a collection of some of my favorite farm jokes — and, yes, there are lots of corny ones in here:
1. Why did the pig dump her boyfriend?
Because he was a real BOAR.
2. What do you call a cow with no legs?
4. Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.
“Well,” replied old John, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”
“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.
“That would be me,” replied old rancher John.
5. What do you call a sleeping bull?
6. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
7. Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal
8. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
9. A man was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat* — he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, he said, “Pardon me ma’am, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off.”
“Not so fast,” she says. “How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?”
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said, “He looks like this” as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
“Oh no, you horrible man,” she replied. “I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?”
At that, the man got up , covered his eyes with both hands and screamed, “Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”
10. What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom?
You’re a fungi.
11. On a rural road, a state trooper pulled a farmer over and said, “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”
12. What’s a potatoes least favorite day of the week?
13. A New York City hipster moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
“That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied.
A week later the hipster was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him.
“Yeah,” the hipster replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.”
“Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” replied the hipster, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.”
15. What do you call a cow with no calf?
16. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
What a miss-steak.
Want to share the hilarity with others (or just want to go all-in on the Dad Jokes)? Check out any one of these great books:
- The Farming Joke Book
- The Best Ever Book of Farmer Jokes
- Jokes For Farmers: Funny Farming Jokes, Puns and Stories
Michelle Miller, the Farm Babe, is an Iowa-based farmer, public speaker, and writer, who lives and works with her boyfriend on their farm, which consists of row crops, beef cattle, and sheep. She believes education is key in bridging the gap between farmers and consumers.